Wednesday, October 20, 2010


All I have to say is that right now, I wish this was me.

Woooo boy.

Part-time job ontop of full-time college with some social life drama thrown in the mix means I've got no time to linger on the internet.

I found some time this morning though, so I figured I'd use it wisely by getting around to the corners of the internet I don't normally bump into during my daily routine. In doing so, I came across a discussion thread on Rubberzone, and the sum of it basically turned into an issue about age, and I put in my two-sense on the matter.

The more I think about it though, age just isn't some random factor to me. If I'm with someone closer to my age (+/- 4 years), then the play is not *just* about the kink and the bondage for me. There's an added element of sexual desire that comes into play, even moreso if I'm actually heavily attracted to the person. Someone closer to my age is definitely someone I'd be interested in playing around with in both "vanilla" and "Neapolitan" flavors, in other words. I'd consider myself to have a rather healthy and voracious sexual appetite, and bondage could just be the foreplay leading to a long night of flip-fucking and cuddling. ;)

But when the person is older, it's different. Granted, looks do factor into the equation, as well as a few other things, but generally, if the person is 10+ years my senior, at that point, to me, it's more about the kink and bondage. It's about the gear and the leather and the ropes and the experience of having various fetishes and aspects of fetishism brought together, and it's about having it all done by someone with experience. This also means that I'd be willing to try riskier things with older guys than I would with younger ones (breathplay, for example).

Regardless of age though, there are a few things about me that are constants no matter what the age. The big one being "No means no." If I hesitate on something for even a second, it means I'm thinking, and if I say no, it's not an invitation to persuade me otherwise. I get very, very irate when I lay down my personal boundaries and someone finds it okay to constantly push them. If I say no sex, just being suggestive and joking about "having my ass for the taking" is enough to completely and utterly ruin a scene for me, even if it's never acted upon.

And if I do say that sex is okay, that means that it's going to be done protected. If I'm going to bottom (which I rarely do), if I say stop or slow down, I mean it. If I just can't seem to relax and adjust, it doesn't mean force me either. It means stop and listen to my feedback. Likewise, if I'm on top, and something just doesn't feel right or I'm going to rough (I tend to be very aggressive in my lovemaking), I expect that same feedback that I give others, and I listen to it and do what's needed in care for the other person.

The same goes for things that aren't sex. If I'm not feeling like a hogtie, it means I'm not feeling like a hogtie. I don't want to have to go through the explanation of having two bulging discs in my neck and upper back and shoulder problems, because then it sounds like I'm whining. "No hogties tonight" means find another position to tie me up in and move on.

I figure I must sound really demanding and somewhat indecisive at times with what I want and don't want to do, but that's just me and how I roll. I don't expect to be perfectly compatible with everyone I meet. If anything, I expect being on different wavelengths with other people to be the norm. I feel like sometimes, when I'm approached by someone older, there's this idea in their minds that I'm supposed to be somewhat malleable, and when I lay down my interests and my hard and soft limits, I feel like it's a bit off-putting to them, because suddenly I'm not some young guy who's open to everything and anything and they can take over and take control. Instead, I'm some young guy who has in his head an idea of what he wants and how he wants it, and that's not going to change easily, especially when the other person makes it sound like I've go not choice in the matter. I've been very fortunate to meet people who have been appreciative and willing to compromise on things however, and that's been the best. it gives both parties ways to lay out what they both want to get out of it, and the things that they both agree on get checked off, and the things that both of them have different opinions on sit on the side, possibly getting added into the scene later on as the mood changes.


What I really can't stand is the guys who tell you to basically shut the fuck up and deal with it. I hate that. I've talked with guys who make it sound like the 18-25 year old range of guys have no say in the matter, they're just there to submit to authority and be broken and take a dick up the ass and deal. That absolutely horrifies and mortifies me. I'm an individual person here, not a living mannequin for sexual jollies. I know that there are other guys who are into being wholly dominated and taken control of, but I'm not one of those people, and when I kindly and respectfully decline such an offer, it always bothers me when the person keeps trying, as if I'm playing hard to get and like it's some kind of game.